There are days when I think I should have set out to become an advice columnist. Some poor wandering soul would write to me about their struggles and dilemmas and bouts of depression. They would complain about their coworkers. They would whine about how unfair life is. And they would ask me for advice.

For the sake of professional anonymity, I would adopt a writer’s pseudonym. I would call myself Oz and hide behind the smoke and screen of my laptop, and in the spirit of Dear Abby, it would go something like this:

Dear Oz:
I have a job I don’t like and at 40 I’m still looking for my place in this world. None of my coworkers like me and I don’t have any real friends. I thought life was going to be easier than this. I’m just so confused. Please tell me what I need to do to turn my life around.
Confused in Tennessee

Dear Confused:
Take a shower. Put on clean clothes. And when you go out in the world, no matter if you go to work or to the grocery store, force yourself to smile. Say good morning to people, even strangers. If you smile, the people around you change their perception of you. Stop whining and get over yourself. There’s nothing here to be confused about. Life is hard. It requires grit and determination to make something good of every situation life throws at you. My mama used to say that a smile on the outside eventually produces a smile on the inside. You should try it.

The truth is any advice that I might have is borrowed advice, meaning that I have been the recipient of some pretty good pieces of wisdom from those who have gone before me. My kids think I’m just about the smartest man alive, always ready with sage tidbits of insight as to how life works and what their next move should be.

If they only knew how clueless I’ve been for the last 67 years of my life. When they were young and we got into “a situation” that called for wisdom, I would often tell them “I’ve never been a parent of a 15-year-old before, so cut me some slack while I think about it.” Fair or not, my oldest child was the test case for every time I blew it. Thank God she survived.

I know the Good Book says that we should pray for wisdom, but I don’t think that means that wisdom is handed out for free. Wisdom comes from experience, and you get experience by making mistakes. If you pay attention to your mistakes and learn from them, pretty soon you learn how to navigate life with fewer mistakes. And if you live long enough, you might have a few pieces of advice for the next generation worth something.

Here’s my borrowed list. Short and incomplete but a start.

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Some mistakes are stupid blunders that happen when the mind is not engaged. Forgive yourself. That happens to the best of us. Some mistakes are the result of poor judgment. Join the club. No one on earth has everything figured out. You have to try your best and deal with the failures. The other choice is to quit living.

If you don’t do anything else with your life but spit in the crack, at least learn to hit the crack every time. This was one of my dad’s favorite sayings. Dad grew up in an old uninsulated farmhouse. His dad chewed tobacco and his mother dipped snuff. There was a lot of spitting going on and not every room had a spittoon when one was needed. Sometimes it was convenient to spit in the crack between the floorboards. According to my dad, it was a learned skill. You miss and somebody had to clean up the mess.

The point is that a person ought to be good at what they do. Work at it hard enough and you hone your skills. Put your best effort into everything you do, even the most menial task, and you can take pride in what you have to offer. Sweeping floors. Waiting tables. Marriage. School. Everything in life deserves your best effort.

Leave a place better than you found it. I learned this while a Boy Scout. If your place is a campsite, clean it up when you’re done and make it look as if no one has ever been there. If it’s a bedroom at a friend’s house, make the bed and keep your dirty undies off the floor. Even at work, be the guy who does the unexpected and who tries to make everything better.

Be generous with compliments and stingy with criticism. Words can either hurt or heal. Most of the time your criticisms are unfounded and uninformed. They are based on your view of the world. You might be wrong. Compliments, on the other hand, are free for the looking and are always welcomed. This is not “kissing up”. This is being human enough to see the best in others and making them feel appreciated. You reap what you sow.

Be tough-minded and tenderhearted. It’s okay to have high expectations for yourself and others. Setting the bar high is what drives us to accomplish our goals. But never forget to be kind when your expectations are not met. Life is hard enough without you and me having a meltdown every time we get disappointed. Show others a kindness that goes beyond expectations. Accomplishments are not as valuable as people.

Cheerfulness is a choice. So is bitterness. Some days you just have to put on the face and get past your pain, or grief, or loss, or hardship. Never think that you are the only one hurting. That cashier might need your cheerful hello. Your nurse might need your cheerful patience. Who knows what kind of day someone else is having that is way worse than your day. This is the most impactful impression my mama left on me.

Keep your integrity intact. If you make a promise, keep it. When you speak, let the truth guide you. When you make a mistake, own up to it without excuses. Give others a reason to know that you can be trusted. Do what you say you’re gonna do. Follow through. Be honest in all your dealings.

My dad used to say that his advice went in one of my ears and out the other just as quickly. He was probably right. Advice is hard to take. It has no effect until you’re ready to hear it. Unfortunately, few of us are ready to hear it when we need it most.

A few last words to close out. Watch the sunrise at least once a week. Take time to hug a good dog. Hold a child in your lap as often as you can. Forget about what your neighbor has that you don’t. Stop and feel the rain some afternoon and get a little wet. Find a tree in the woods and sit alone for an hour. When offered ice cream, always say yes.

That’s my advice.