I get asked from time to time about all the personal glimpses into my life that I write about. I will often tell you things about my own journey that most people would keep private. I let you see my struggles. I allow you into the deepest corners of my pitiful little brain.

Most of the responses I get fall into two categories.

“I can’t believe you said that.”

Or…

“Thank you for saying that.”

I don’t write because I think my life is more interesting than yours. If you’re familiar with Georgia Bred at all, you know that from the beginning my purpose has been to write for my grandkids. These stories are my way of leaving behind a piece of myself for them.

Whatever I write about, even if they can’t understand it just now, one day they will understand. They will have the stories that will tell them who I am; sometimes in great detail, sometimes with laughter, sometimes with great sorrow, and maybe sometimes with the small pieces of wisdom that I have learned along the way.

This is one of those stories.

The world is full of second timers. You know who you are. You were married once and thought it would last for a lifetime. But it ended. You didn’t plan on it. You didn’t ask for it. The reason doesn’t matter. What matters is that the life you thought would last forever came to an end that you didn’t expect.

That’s what happened to me almost four and a half years ago. And I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count all the other people I know to whom the same thing has happened. Maybe it happened to you fifteen years ago. Maybe it happened to you yesterday. I can’t be sure. But I know this much, it’s happening every day to someone.

Life has a way of knocking you off your feet. I want you to know that. I don’t want you to be afraid. I don’t want you to live your life waiting for tragedy, but I want you to know it could happen. And I want you to know that if it does happen, your life is not over.

I could go into the cherish-every-moment mode. I could pass out the take-nothing-for-granted advice. And while there are valuable lessons to be gleaned from those things, what I have on my mind is more functional than sentimental.

Be open to every door that opens in front of you.

When your Nana passed away, I had a pretty closed mind about what the rest of my life would look like. I figured that whatever was dealt to me was supposed to be “the plan.” I worked really hard at accepting my new station in life and at finding contentment within my aloneness.

But a door opened. I met Marion.

At the time, I had no idea what meeting her would mean. I honestly had no plans to marry again. I didn’t have any intentions of taking matters into my own hands. I only knew that I was open to the possibility that if God gave me a second chance, I would pay attention.

You’re way too young now to understand this, but one day I hope you’ll listen to me. Don’t be afraid to make the choices that will radically change your life. You’ll be nervous. There will be a lot of people who will question your sanity. Not everyone will understand. But, if God is in it with you, make the choice that is right for you.

Marion and I have had anything but a conventional marriage. We live 70 miles apart in two completely different worlds. Her house. My house. Her community. My community. Her church. My church. We are like the two proverbial ships passing in the night.

“I don’t know how you do it,” someone will say to us.

I admit that sometimes it feels like we’re still dating. Sometimes I will drive up to her house for a few days. The next week she will come to my house. Quite often, when I get out of my truck I will say to her, “Have you seen my wife?” She’ll ask me, “Have you lost her again?” And I’ll say, “I can’t keep up with her.”

I can’t speak for everyone. I know this is not how “normal couples” would do it. I can only tell you that this is the choice we’ve made, and it works for us. I respect her too much to ask her to turn her life upside down for my sake, and she shares that same respect for me.

One other thing. Embrace your choice completely.

You cannot be half-hearted about life. Any choice you make will bring with it new opportunities and unintended consequences. You have to own those. You won’t do everything perfectly. You won’t please everyone. But once you start down your own path, take every step confident that God is on that journey with you.

The choice we’ve made has changed the dynamics of our family. I know that. There are new sons and daughters, and grandchildren that we didn’t have before. We may not be blood related, but I cannot think of it in any other way. My heart is full. My joy is overflowing. My love for you is never ending.

I don’t choose you any less. God has simply made room in my heart for more. I have not forgotten who I am as a father and grandpa. I am merely learning how to navigate the changes. Every day I ask God for the wisdom necessary to be faithful to the loved ones He’s given me.

I am a second timer.

I celebrate with all of you who have chosen a similar path. You are the courageous ones. You are the bold ones. You are the ones who refuse to allow tragedy or failure to define the remainder of your life. You make the hard choices. You take the leap into the unknown.

I am not saying that I have chosen the only path, but I know beyond any shadow of doubt that this has been the right path for me. I am not trying to explain my choices. My choices do not need defending. I feel like I am only saying out loud what all second timers must surely feel.

The strength to live life comes from a Source outside of ourselves. The beauty of life is a Gift that none of us deserve. I’ve been given two chances, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Why am I telling you this?

Today is our first anniversary. It’s not a lifetime, but it’s an opportunity for me to reflect on the choices I’ve made. I have no regrets. I have no second thoughts about anything.

So, to you, Marion. I will face every challenge with you by my side. I will honor every promise that we’ve made. I will hold you in my heart through every change we face. I love you MJ.

I couldn’t find a card that said all of that.

Thank you for being my second time around.