Marion is always telling me that my life is full of “firsts” since I’ve met her. The implication is that before her, my life was boring. She’s only joking, but it’s still not true. I’ve done plenty of stuff. Interesting stuff. Manly stuff. Dangerous stuff. Ordinary stuff. Fun stuff. New stuff. Life changing stuff. Exciting stuff.

I’m a fascinating guy.

Nonetheless, if I’m honest, there have been a number of firsts for me in the last few years. Like fried cabbage. My mama fed me boiled cabbage. I never questioned it. I learned to love it. I never really liked the smell of it cooking on the stove, but I ate it. Boiled cabbage was one of the staples of supper that went along with fried pork chops and mashed potatoes.

Then one night, I’m standing in the kitchen while Marion is doing her thing. She’s chopping up cabbage and throwing it in a frying pan.

“What’cha making?”

“What do you mean?” she asks.

I flatly point out the obvious. “You’re putting cabbage in a frying pan.”

“Well?” she says.

I blink my eyes and throw up my hands.

“You mean to tell me that you’ve never had fried cabbage before!”

“Never,” I said.

As I watched the butter simmer, she threw in a heaping amount of tender fried bacon pieces. I thought to myself, “This might be alright.” She stirred. A little seasoning. The green cabbage turned a golden brown. Every piece slathered in butter and bacon grease.

Let me just say that supper that night was a religious experience in cabbage cuisine. I was converted. I was born again. And I took a vow right then and there never to eat boiled cabbage again unless necessary in order to be polite to someone who boiled it and didn’t know any better.

I mean no disrespect to my mama, but when I get to heaven she and I are gonna have to have us a talk about cabbage.

I also caught grief this past weekend over another food item. Fish Tacos. I had never had a fish taco in my life. I’ve heard of them. I’ve seen them on the menu. But I’m more of a steak and ground beef kind of guy when it comes to the food options at the local south-of-the-border restaurant. But I lathered one up and ate it. Not as good as the cabbage, but not bad. Another first for me.

So, all this got me to thinking about what else I have not done in my life. I had never eaten fried cabbage or fish tacos. Surely, there must be other things that would make the list. No doubt there could be something else out there that would be a first for me if I chose to spread my wings and try it.

First on the list. Saltwater fishing. Some of you will hear this and wonder how a man who loves to fish has made it this far in life without ever wetting a hook in the Gulf. I don’t know the answer. I don’t own a boat, but a I could rent one. I’ve never been invited, but I know how to plan a trip. Apparently, I’m told, if I’d quit making excuses and just go, I’d never go back to freshwater bass fishing.

I’ve never seen Montana. That’s an easy one to fix and I hope to do that one day.

I’ve never owned a debit card or used an ATM. I guess when it comes to money, I’m an old soul. I still write a few checks. Not many. I have adopted the world of auto-payments for most things. But I don’t want to deal with some machine outside the bank. I don’t take a picture of my checks to deposit them. I still like to go inside, talk to the folks who run the place, and hold back a little cash on a deposit when needed. I will not change on this one.

I have never been to New York City. I know it’s not smart to say “never.” A fella may have to eat his words, but I honestly don’t think that there is anything there that would peek my interest except maybe the Stature of Liberty. I might make my first trip there one day, but this one’s way down the list.

I have never broken a bone. I also would like to keep it that way.

I have never made a cake. This one appeals to me, but it also scares the socks off me. I am a decent cook of meats and vegetables. I know my way around the grill and crockpot. I make biscuits the way my mama taught me, and I can make gravy with the best of them. But my cake baking skills are nonexistent.

I had been holding on to several boxes of cake mix in the pantry. Like a lot of things in my kitchen, I inherited them. I didn’t know what to do with them. My intent had been to try my hand at cake making until, one day, Marion told me that cake mixes don’t last forever.

She’s looking at my pantry shelves. “Some of these expired in 2020,” she says.

We tossed them, but someday I hope to get new ones and make my first cake.

One more. I’m probably gonna have to give up my man-card for this one. It may be nearly impossible to believe, but I’ve never had a beer. Not even as a teenager with plenty of opportunity. I did try cigarettes once. I stole them off my cousin and got so sick I swore that if I lived, I’d never smoke again. I have had my taste of whiskey but don’t like the burn. I enjoy a glass of wine. But that’s about it.

I actually think that beer looks kind of tasty. The dark ales look like they might suit me. But I don’t drink it. And it has nothing to do with some up-tight religious stance on alcohol. I just saw and experienced some things as a kid and young teenager, that caused me to determine that beer was probably not a smart move for me. And I’ve stuck to that decision. At this point in life, if I’ve got along just fine so far, there probably won’t be a first.

I think it’s useful to take stock of the things not done. We’re always trying to look at our accomplishments. But when you look at what you haven’t done, it has a way of making you realize how small one man’s life can be.

I said small, not insignificant. There’s a big difference. Small is a measure of quantity. Significance is a measure of worth. Just because I have not jumped out of an airplane; not had a baby; not climbed Mt. Everest; and have never seen the Pacific Ocean doesn’t mean that my life is insignificant.

It just means it’s a big world out there. Every day holds the possibility of another undiscovered first for me.

Except for seaweed smoothies.

Some firsts are not only unnecessary but they’re downright dumb.